Craigslist has Penises

Craigslist is like gay.com only it's without the chat rooms, the spam, or the gay.com users frequent bitching about how bitchy everyone is. It's also good for a chuckle from time to time. If found this while bouncing around the Minneapolis Men Seeking Men and the Men Seeking Women forums.

Here's one guy:
"Hi guys. 41, sane, ddf, friendly guy, seeking a night out with another good looking guy around my age. I am 5'11", 190lbs, muscular and fit. You be same. I'm in town for the night. Let's grab a drink and have some fun. Not looking for a one-night stand per se, but let's see where the chemistry goes. I'm newly out and learning. Experienced and safe, ddf, guys 35 to 55 welcome. Hit me with a note and pic." Posted at 11:05pm.

And the same guy 7 minutes later:
"Hi there. I am in town Tuesday night and looking for a woman to hang out with just to have some fun. Let's have a drink, whatever. No sex necessary, let's let chemistry determine it. I'm just looking to pass some time with someone interesting. I'm here on a business trip and have a night free. I am 5'11", 190lbs, muscular and fit, good looking (se pix). I'm sane, safe, and ddf. You be that too. Hit me with a pic and a post and let's see." Posted at 11:12pm.

If this guy was out with a woman last night, I'd have loved to be a fly on the wall.

But, semi-closeted bisexuality aside, there's a very interesting phenomena in the Craigslist Men Seeking Men forums: an ungodly amount of penises. Although it's not a theme uncommon in most homo-oriented hookup sites, because of Craigslist's open-to-the-world format, anyone can come on in and see the penises.

Somewhere around 19 of 20 postings to the site are for NSA (no strings attached) sex. And 1 out of 3 pictures feature penises, 2 out of 3 are torsos or butts. A lot of posts are repeats. I'm left wondering if that guy with a girlfriend that needs that first time blowjob will ever get his blowjob; he's been trying (or lying) for months now. He also reveals another theme: bisexual, closeted, married, discreet...and guys looking for such things.

The internet makes many of life's chores more efficient. Banking, shopping, looking up information, and, look, I get to write for thousands of people each week without a college degree! This efficiency also translates to sex. And I'm afraid that it's making sex so efficient, that a penis is all there is to it.

How is this efficiency affecting those whose sex lives are mainly internet initiated hookups? How does reducing oneself or (self-worth?) to a pleasure giving body part affect the ability to engage others?

For starters, an increase in sexually transmitted infections. That doesn't mean that internet initiated sex involves more unsafe sexual behavior, but that more people are having sex more often.

I beleive that it also prevents people on the margins of the gay community from actually interacting with that community. Those that are closeted, socially awkward, or geographically isolated are not gaining much of a sense of community or making important friendships when all that is offered is a penis. It also gives new-comers the idea that the most important thing they bring to a sexual relationship (or the community) is a penis, or a place for someone else to put their penis.

Anonymous sex is not always a bad thing. Sex phobic attitudes can be found at the root of many social ills from homophobia, misogyny, sexual assault, the problems associated with sex work, and the spread of STDs just to name a few at the tip of the frigid iceberg that Christian fundamentalism built.

I only have a limited experience with internet-based sexual experiences. As a casual observer, I may be way off base with my critique. But I do see a possible emerging problem as the internet becomes the mode of choice for finding sexual partners. And when the dialogue to initiate the search begins with "Bi WM, discreet. Need to travel. Wanna play with this?", it looks like a problem, especially in an area like Minnesota where the people are (stereotypically?) known for a lack intimacy and genuine communication. The internet just took out the horrors of speaking directly and intimately.

Is craigslist a snapshot of all gay men or men who are into men? Definitely not. But it does raise some questions about how the internet is rapidly sucking intimacy, personality, and human communication (aside from fluid exchange) out of the sexuality of many men.